Last night, my confident scattered into the form of sands, I felt so lost, had trouble sleeping, so what I usually do to put myself to sleep, is just a can of beer drank in high speed & a cigarette to make my head dizzy. This works 90% of the time, before I realise, i've already got addicted to it.
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Always afraid to share out my problems, because I thought no one could understand, non other than God himself could, but He is not physically there with me, and I have no idea where He is..
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Am I the one who gave everyone hopes? And when it wasn't fulfilled, it's always accompanied by dissapointment? Will I ever be forgiven if I do all these in exchange everything I could? Many of these questions wandered around me, it made me realise how feeble I am.
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What will happen if I selfishly walk away from all these questions? Will I be blame? Having a great pokerface, it fooled everyone, constantly hide all the emotions behind it, knowing how real it can be, how effective it is, before noticing it... I am way too strong in everyone's impression.
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How far more? How much more? How long more? What more?