Home VS Away

We had a re-match, we thought we could finally play fair without having to run non-stop for more than 30 minutes, but things aren't turning out any better for us.

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At 1st, the referees are being complained by us that there were so many mistakes but mostly travel & foul are not blown by them, they were bring unfair, but not long after.. the home team shouted at the refree for not catching the away, and as a refree is being unfair to both parties.

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I believe the refree have the right to judge whenever it's necessary, that's why coaches are allowed to be blow for technical foul for their unsporting behavior during the game. As the refrees were trying to calm the coach from home, he started to raised his voice, yelling and complaining how unfair the refree is, the funniest thing is the coach even complained on the rough way we played.

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If we're going to compare the coughness between the team from home & away, with all your respect, i really think you need to take a GOOD ＬＯＯＫ ａｔ your ｏｗｎ players before judging us. The away were standing by, in the post of defending the basket, and players from home will run into us and push us away but the refree ain't blowing anything. Fine, if the refree thin it's ok, then that's how we're going to play. We were not faking the smiles, we tried to play a happy-goes-fun game, but it's your players that turn the whole thing around.

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Players from home are very accurate under the basket, keep it up.

What my sight told my mind

Sprained my finger, both the finger where people always place on during their wedding, i guess it just mean it's not ready for me to get those rings yet...

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Life is back to the normal routine, work, eat & sleep. I no longer know what is it that i've been wanting to achieve in life, i can't help but feel i'm hopeless at a time like this.

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Am i being test? I didn't want to judge this, when i know how heartless and cruel i can be when i determine to do it, everything will end up me hating myself, therefore there's no reason for me to do that... no matter how much i would be blamed, how foolish i could be in front of everyone around me, my goal in life... is never regret any decision i make.

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No longer i have someone special to miss, someone to keep me motivated, someone who i would always look forward to meet. The world look so empty to me, when it's filled with laughter and entertainment, but all i could care to see or took into consideretion was the sad and depressed moments. I've been telling myself there's no one that could be trust forever, and there isn't someone who would willingly stay by your side wtihout asking for anything back in return, these hopes and dreams were just themselves, nothing more than that. Too much betrayal, it had taught me not to let my guard down easily, i hate it like this "Never Believe & you will never be betrayed; Never get close & you will never get hurt", i hope this sentences will stay with me as long as possible, so that i won't have to remind myself i've been living in a fake life.

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Dedicated to Bilqis

It's been a while since i last chat with you on the phone, and no doubt that i miss you a lot.

I think it's been a long time since we drop each other a mail in our mail box as well, this call... really bring back memories.

I can imagine the life without a place where you really belong, and you have no one to depend on when things get rough, so i'll try to make sure to respond to you whenever i could.

In a good way of looking at things, is that you're able to travel around, adapt yourself into a new lifestyle, learn a new language. I wonder how is it like in Korea... what's the fashion lifestyle there, somehow i would really really love to see that... and of course, to be there with you and share some good memories together.

Bil....i miss you and i meant it, i can't wait to have you back during summer time. Miss you, please don't forget to let me know if anything's up k? I will keep my blog updated often so that you could look into my life.

~Dedicated to Bilqis~

过去还是现在？

我知道身边的人都只是想要我改去一个更好的我，但有时事实的确有点难听，再次让我觉得... 其实我是一个很软弱的人，所谓“一山还有一山高”，比我好的人恐怕多的数不清。

花了那么多时间去做同一样的东西，不断地磨练自己希望每天都能进步一点点，但... 此终还是不够。讨厌这样的我，总是经不起考验。

不喜欢被安慰，没有必要让别人看到自己的软弱，若真的想赢就别理会别人的眼光不断地让自己去进步，不可以靠任何人去生活。只要有自己，只要自己还拥有养活自己的能力，就绝对不会再让自己崩溃。

最近开始发觉到没有人陪的时候能做什么了，能弹钢琴，读书，听音乐，玩电动游戏，看戏，做些自己没有做过的事。并不难嘛...只有自己的生活，只要不断地提醒自己若遇到任何困难，是没有人能帮到自己。

为什么在我想忘掉的时候才知道一切都是一场误会？为什么总得在找到另一个出口的时候才发现到原来自己从没被放弃过？到底是怎么一回事？是要我做出一个选择？还是想测试我？重要的只有几个，但为什么得从中做出选择？很迷糊，很累.....

I read through my friendster blog entirely, from the 1st blog i wrote, and from it i notice that most of m blog reflects to the side of me who are emotionally unstable.

Doesn't it feel weird and at the same time, funny? Someone who have so much to say doesn't have any audience to listen, when the words came out it often reflect to the unsatisfied situation.

For example how boring life could be, how silly it is to fall in love, and how the memory live in the scar, as if the spirit have some unfininsh business and staying there.

There's a flash back of my past, ran across my mind... Remembering every little single detail where it had hurt, i could feel the pain for that moment, but never willing to share. Keeping the feeling bottled up my face, unable to say nor do much, just running the mind to consistently thinking about it.

How many times has it been...? Ever since i'm tired of getting into a relationship, to know someone.. to hide myself, to be the person better than myself but in the end it all turned out to be a lie. I love to read Yaoi stories, it's forbidden, a taboo, but the character are struggling to overcome countless obstacles, i wish i could have their spirit, and a partner who will be standing by my side to support me.

Constantly, i'll be reminding myself not to trust people easily, countless betrayal, i've even lost track of the relationship i since my first partner until now. I'm used to the life without being questioned, the lazyness of answering question, sometimes even calls or messages, i'm just too lazy to even bother them.

What's the purpose in my life? What is it that i want to achieve? I have no idea, i don't even know what is keeping me going, maybe revenge... or even hatred. I wish i could find something that keeps me moving...