I read through my friendster blog entirely, from the 1st blog i wrote, and from it i notice that most of m blog reflects to the side of me who are emotionally unstable.

Doesn't it feel weird and at the same time, funny? Someone who have so much to say doesn't have any audience to listen, when the words came out it often reflect to the unsatisfied situation.

For example how boring life could be, how silly it is to fall in love, and how the memory live in the scar, as if the spirit have some unfininsh business and staying there.

There's a flash back of my past, ran across my mind... Remembering every little single detail where it had hurt, i could feel the pain for that moment, but never willing to share. Keeping the feeling bottled up my face, unable to say nor do much, just running the mind to consistently thinking about it.

How many times has it been...? Ever since i'm tired of getting into a relationship, to know someone.. to hide myself, to be the person better than myself but in the end it all turned out to be a lie. I love to read Yaoi stories, it's forbidden, a taboo, but the character are struggling to overcome countless obstacles, i wish i could have their spirit, and a partner who will be standing by my side to support me.

Constantly, i'll be reminding myself not to trust people easily, countless betrayal, i've even lost track of the relationship i since my first partner until now. I'm used to the life without being questioned, the lazyness of answering question, sometimes even calls or messages, i'm just too lazy to even bother them.

What's the purpose in my life? What is it that i want to achieve? I have no idea, i don't even know what is keeping me going, maybe revenge... or even hatred. I wish i could find something that keeps me moving...