Today, i spent RM170++ just to have a chinese doctor to look at my ankle sprain. It's suppose to be a small issue, like putting on some chinese medical and pay him. Honestly... i payed the fees myself, and i feel quite burden with the total amount, i wanted to claim from the company but it seems like the company claim doesn't include Chinese Clinic.
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I'm frustrated about my life, I have so much to lose, yet as if i'm bound by it. I had to choose between "Finance & Family" and sometimes between "Career & Relationship".
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The accountant in my office, which happens to be my mother, told me that i can't claim the company with this medical fees.. I was kinda down, but decided to ignore it, since it can't be helped, she then told me "But you can claim from your mother". I thank her for that, but as what i've expected... tons of nagging starts, and it hurts my ear to listen to every single words that came from her mouth, so i told her i don't want to claim anymore hoping she would shut up and get back to her "work". Do you have any idea how annoying it is to listen to the repeating conversation over and over again for the past 10 years?
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I want a career, a successful one to overcome this issue, but i'm afraid once i choose this path, there will be something important i have to give up. Life can be fair and unfair, you can't own good career, peaceful marriage, close friendship, healthy life & beautiful appearance at the same time because life have to be fair, and the unfair side is you can't own them all at no matter how hard you try.
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I tried so hard to study & get into a big company, if i choose this path, i have to say goodbye to my family, friends and even worse... to the person i love.
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I've committed into a romance with someone who loves me as much as I do, i tried to work hard in my career to give us a good life, the question is... will i be able to spend precious time with my loved one when i'm going to be so busy with work?
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I have lots of friends, but only a few who gain my trust. I seldom hang out with them after started a romance relationship with KM, but always waiting for the opportunity to catch up with them whenever i find the time to..
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A healthy body is what i lack, my whole body is injuried, i sprained all my fingers & both of the ankles. I smoke, I drink, I stay up late just to play the video games or surfing the net.. hoping is not too late to realise my mistake and fix it up.
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There are times i tried to end it once and for all, but there are people who i still care... and not wanting to lose them. I heard the moment they jump down from a building, they realise all their problems were gone, the only one left is that they've jump. Repeatingly telling myself it wasn't the end, there's still a path right ahead of me. all i have to do.. is to walk until God decide to remove me.
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Lord... will you please show me the right path? So that i can live a life without regretting anything...
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